I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
