Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
