Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Randomize
