im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
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Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
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Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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