turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
