Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
