that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
