tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
