I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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