5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Just pee around me
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
