he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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