first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
