Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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