ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
