couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
