Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
