I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
