Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
