So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
