i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
