Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
