Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize