What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
