just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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