dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
