I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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