and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
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