I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
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