Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
