I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I wish I could punch you in the face.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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