My girlfriend figured out who you are.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
