I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My feet surprised me
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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