this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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