What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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