ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
