Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
