At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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