So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
