Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
