last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
