There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
