Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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