A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
