plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
accomplished twins. life is a go
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
