I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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