I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
