Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
