Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
