A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We're not piercing ourselves today.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
