you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
