5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
