Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
