Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
