We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
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