I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
