im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
