Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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