I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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