watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I still have a little drunk in my system
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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