who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
