The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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