Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
