too bad you live with your parents still
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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