I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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