I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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