i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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