K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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