Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
