is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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