Where is the hickey?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...