Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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