What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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