the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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