Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
