She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
