I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
