so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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