Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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