I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
it was like eating out sand paper
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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