I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
