Farmville is her only friend.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
